Battle Communiqué

In which we report the foiling of the enemy's attempts to hold
Simon captive for a day of BG testing.

Simonand I have some additional thoughts and suggestions at the end of the Battle Communiqué. We hope some of this will be of use to you.

For security reasons, we are referring to the battle area in this manner - those with proper security clearance and "need to know", will be able to ascertain the true location at which this assault took place. This is basically one of those "If I told you I'd have to kill you." situations. Those of you in the higher echelons of military command will understand the security issues involved here. (Basically, we don't want to leave ourselves open to libel charges)

The military leaders amongst you are, no doubt, familiar with the "overwhelming force" approach to conflicts. That is, if one division is needed, use two. If 5 tons of bombs will do the job, use 10.

Well, Simon and I havce just totally, completely, and with out a doubt, conquered one of the vets at the our vet's office with the application of overwhelming force and dazzling execution.

The actually assault began the night before, Sunday March 5, 2000 (or, as the military writes dates 5 March 2000) with the final check of equipment and tactics.

Our equipment consisted of a metal box containing all of Simon's supplies - syringes, extra Bayer Elite XL test strips, lancets, instant hand warmers, all instruction manuals, a small bottle of rubbing alcohol for cleansing battle field wounds, a small bottle of Karo syrup to provide a quick "pick me up" in case of low blood sugar amongst the troops, gauze pads to staunch the flow of blood from any wounds), and the main weapon - the Bayer Elite XL meter and it's carrying case containing ammunition (test strips and lancets), and all war time records.

Now, some may criticize the carrying of vital war time records into battle saying that their capture by the enemy might cause serious repercussions.

I counter by pointing out that for most of the enemy, these records would be totally unintelligible, and for the rare few who could decipher them, it would prove to our advantage, not theirs, if they were to learn from these documents.

In particular if they were to learn the importance of home testing of BG levels in the diabetic cat, our next engagement with them might prove easier as they would have begun to rethink the dogma under which they operate. This would result in the expenditure, on our part, of fewer troops and resources to conquer the next enemy encampment. (enemy = vet, enemy encampment = vet clinic)

And besides all of the war records we were carrying could be easily recreated if they were lost, to the enemy or otherwise.

At 0745 the next morning, Simon and I set out with the fleet (well actually, in our Mercury Topaz) for the battle area. In route to the enemy shores we encountered little resistance aside from the usual idiotic drivers who made attempts to prevent our arrival in the battle area. One particularly stupid driver went so far as to run a red traffic signal and almost hit us broadside. The fleet's outstanding maneuvering abilities and the heroic actions of the crew prevented any damage.

We entered the battle area at approximately 0802, me with Simon's kit and our insulin in a small thermos under one arm and Simon under the other arm.

Simon was his usual relaxed self, though I could tell that the upcoming battle was on his mind.

Our first enemy contact was with the enemy receptionist who tried to take the offensive by pushing a consent form across the counter to me. To counter this first aggressive move, and in the hopes of gaining valuable intelligence data, I ask her when Dr. W (our vet) would be in. She replied around 1000 (it was currently 0803).

Knowing that our troops were primed for action and that any delay would reduce their battle readiness and enthusiasm, I asked if any of the other vets were in, she replied "Yes, the DOCTORS just arrived."

You could hear the capital letters in her voice. This overemphasis on the word "DOCTORS" was, we clearly ascertained, designed to blunt the force of our initial assault.

Ignoring this clumsy attempt, I said "I need to talk with one of them and the conversation will determine if Simon stays for testing or not."

The enemy receptionist was quite taken aback by my sudden and unexpected barrage. She retired to the back room, a funny look upon her face.

As Simon covered our rear, we carefully maneuvered to the "second door on the left", opened it, and after reconnoitering and assuring ourselves no unexpected dangers awaited us within, we entered the "second door on the left."

Dr. S. (the commanding vet who we have seen before when Dr. W was unavailable) enterrd the room from the other door and assumed the vet's "What cat I do for you, you ordinary pet owner?" position, conveying an attitude of complete confidence. Little did he know the forces arrayed against him.

Note should be made of the fact that he did not close the door behind him. Being at a full state of readiness, we instantly detected this variation in the normal tactics of this vet.

We concluded that either he thought the skirmish would be so short that he would be immediately retiring to the confines of his HQ (the "back room") or that he, having been tipped off by the receptionist that ours was not the normal demeanor of a pet owner arriving at the "hallowed grounds of the vet clinic", wished to maintain his communications and supply lines to his HQ. Perhaps he thought he might need reinforcements.

I instructed Simon to keep an eye on the door and alert me if additional enemy troops appeared.

As my first salvo, I asked his opinion of home testing - his reaction was notexactly negative, he was not against it, but it was typical of those described by everyone on the board in that he had no experience with it.

I then unloaded the big 16 inch guns on him - explained the research I'd done, showed him our supplies and the meter, and said I had many reading from the past week.

He asked if I had them written down - Right! Like I wouldn't record them! So little regard does the enemy accord our intelligence that it is amazing they have not been devastated earlier.

I said "Hold on a second, I couldn't carry everything in the first time, will you watch Simon while I get them from the car?"

Note my use of the word "car". At this early stage in the encounter, I did not want to reveal the existence of our large and heavily armed fleet waiting offshore in the parking lot waters.

You might wonder at our leaving such valuable information behind with the fleet (well actually, in the back seat of the Topaz) and why we did not engage additional troops to convey all needed materials to the beach head in the first wave.

I had calculated that had more troops than just myself and Simon made the first assault, the enemy would have been alerted to the true scale of our attack and might have felt it necessary to call in reinforcements.

You might further ask why I left Simon alone within the enemy encampment. Simon has clearly demonstrated to me, in the past, that he can take care of himself in almost any situation and I had little concern that he would come to harm in the short time I would be gone. Additionally, I understand Simon's enormous capacity for charm and his ability to, without any overt acts, sway others to his point of view.

Given this, I gave little thought to leaving him alone, for a short time, in the enemy encampment. I also felt, that the enemy fully understood that any hostile actions against Simon would be met with a full nuclear retaliatory strike upon their territory.

I returned from the command ship with my daily appointment book used for on the spot notes, my "Simon case" - a zipper binder case with research notes and info from the internet, and a white binder containing propaganda on home testing which I hoped would be of assistance in acquainting the enemy with the value of home testing.

With no warning, and quickly so as to allow the vet no time to counter the move, I whipped out an Excel spreadsheet with Simon's readings recorded by date and time and explained my dosage notes which were written at the bottom of the spreadsheet.

By this time the enemy was visually weakening, we had established a beach head and it looked like we where there to stay. Only vastly superior force could drive us back into the sea and the enemy possessed no such force capable of successfully pushing us from our entrenched positions.

My background in is computers (28 years worth) and, before being seduced by computers, I was working on a B.S. in Physic with the intent of go for a Ph.D. and teach and do research, well -- with that background I understand the impact you can have on someone when you correctly use, and understand, the technical terminology of another person's area of expertise. So I was using all enemy's terms instead of layman's words as I discussed Simon's test results.

I showed him the binder of internet info (the propaganda) I was preparing for the enemy high command. I explained that there was valuable information to be gotten from the various sites on the internet and that it would be to their advantage to review some of those sites.

I explained how I had read it was possible for the Bayer Elite meter to beep even though it had not gotten quite enough blood and how I had called Bayer to confirm this (FYI - Bayer says it is possible, but all you need to do is be sure the blood reaches the little circle around the plus "+" sign. )

I decided to show him what I meant and proceeded to whip out the meter case, get a lancet and strip ready and pricked my finger. I glanced up at him as I did this and realized that I should have planned to do such a demonstration. His attention was riveted on what I was doing. But perhaps better that I had not planned it - it was more natural and unforced this way.

I confidently, without hesitation, stuck the lancet in the side of my finger, milked out that small drop needed, touched the test strip to it and held the meter up to show him the countdown to the result.

In military terms, this unplanned demonstration was the final blow which shattered all resistance after the softening up the initial bombardment.

This demonstration of the effectiveness, accuracy, and high technology of our weapon was devastating.

He, in the end, surrendered unconditionally, and suggested I take Simon home and do my own BG curve and send in the results.

We treated any all battle wounds, secured the area, and retired to the command ship and set sail for our home base.

We did a victory march into the house and went to find Sharon to show her that Simon was back home.

She said her first reaction when she saw Simon was "Oh, my god, he's (meaning me) killed the vet!"

So, all my worry was for nothing - No, actually without all that worrying and thinking and planning our assault would probably have been repulsed and we would have floundered in the surf.

Simon would have been the captive of the enemy encampment for a day, during which time they would have no doubt attempted to wring from him every last bit of information on our side's equipment, tactics, and plan of action.

Additionally all the information they obtained about Simon's diabetes would have been useless due to the testing having been done in hostile territory rather than in friendly territory.

Having successfully established a permanent beachhead, we are now in the process pushing deeper into the interior of the enemy held lands.

As we go, we spread the word that home testing is easy, accurate, and of the utmost importance.

While we have as yet to win over the vets completely to the point where they will themselves go forth and spread the word on home testing, we have gained their acceptance of home testing as an adjunct to Simon's treatment.

We hope, in the future, to be able to report they they have begun to sing the praises of home testing to other humans who live with diabetic cats.

Stand tall and be counted, all yea home testers. We will yet bring the treatment of Feline Diabetes out of the dark ages where it currently languishes and into the light of today!

(By the way, when I did Simon's pre shot test, after returning from the battle area, he had a reading of 515! His highest reading so far - by quite a few points. So, the stress of going to the enemy encampment doesn't effect BG levels? Think again all you, as yet, uneducated vets out there.)

We offer the following thoughts and suggestions which we hope will be of value to you when you plan your next foray into the enemy encampment.

And, should your assault be met with such devastating opposition that you are forced to retreat or encounter such atrocities on the part of the enemy that you feel total destruction is needed, we still have a supply of small, fairly clean, tactical thermonuclear weapons which can be delivered to the enemy encampment of your choice, free of charge of course, along with a tastefully written note explaining to the vet why they are about to become toast.

1. Do not forget that you are the CUSTOMER. You are not doing them a favor by coming to their office and paying for their time. It is they who have the responsibility of fulfilling YOUR needs, expectations, and wishes.

2. Blanket them with information from the web, talks with other owners of diabetic cats, results of home tests - any information you have picked up.

3. Be aware that they may think that anything found on the "net" is inaccurate and of little use. Point them at Simon's Site, Harry's site, Feline Diabetes, the Feline Diabetes Message Board, Pets with Diabetes and other sites you might have visited. It would be useful if you printed some of the information on home testing and gave it to the vet for "their education."

4. If you have been keeping records of home testing, insulin dosages, feeding patterns, different foods used, illness and treatments, and any other data on your cat, take it with you. The more data the better. Your objective in is to establish a beachhead from which you future operations can be staged. You want to literally overwhelm them with your knowledge, your dedication to the cat, and the information you have accumulated.

5. DO NOT hesitate to say "I don't know" on any subjects or questions raised by the vet for which you do not have solid knowledge. Do not try and bluff - if they call your bluff it will only result in your losing precious yardage on the "beachhead.'

6. Operate from a position of full confidence in those areas in which you have prepared. Unless you have really been remiss in some way as regards the cat's treatment, don't let them lay any guilt on you. Just because they pick up something you missed does not mean you failed. After all, we ARE paying them for something and that something is their knowledge and experience in treating cats (that is IF they have any knowledge and experience - if they don't, get out of there immediately and call in an air strike to wipe the place off the face of the earth!)

7. Do not allow the vet to take control of the situation. YOU are in control. YOU have the power to tell them "Thank you for your time, but I believe we will not be able to work together in the management of _____'s diabetes. I will have to find a vet who has an open mind to new techniques and understands, or is willing to learn, the value of home testing." (fill in the "blank" with your cat's name)

8. If they are willing to learn about home testing, do not consider their lack of experience in it as a fatal flaw. If they are truly willing to learn, the two of you can teach each other as you go. However, be sure that they understand that you have behind you a huge pool of experience and knowledge in the FDMB and that you will be using the FDMB to double check things of which you or the vet are unsure.

9. Realize that they were probably taught to believe, or at least lead to believe, that they must be always in control of the relationship. Too often vets (and MD's) form an opinion of their patient (that is, their CUSTOMER) in which the customer knows nothing at all about the vet's field. In fact, many seem to operate from the point of view that anyone not associated with health care (human or animal health care) are complete idiots.

There are areas, and quite possibly many areas, in which your knowledge, experience, and expertise exceed those of the vet. You need not try to hammer this home to them, but you also must not let them get away with any attempts to intimidate you. When possible use their terminology - but sure you understand it. You don't want to be caught using one of "their" words incorrectly - remember to do your homework.

10. Take the meter with you and demonstrate how easy it is to use and how little blood is required by doing a test on yourself. If you have never tested yourself, do it a couple of times before demonstrating it to the vet. You want to be able to stick yourself with the lancet without flincing and perform the rest of the steps in the test without any stumbling.

Perhaps if you are having a difficult time swinging the vet over to your view point, you can pretend that it is they who you are sticking with the lancet - picture the lancet as being the size of say a small telephone post - of course, don't' let this image make you hesitant to stick yourself.

11. Finally - always bear in mind that the decisions you make and the actions you take are for the good of your feline companion. Think of them as a companion, not as a pet.

As I type this, Thomas is laying across my lap, I am not thinking of him as a pet laying in my lap, but as a good friend and companion who is content to show his regard and trust for me by keeping me company right now - of course, it may simply be because he finds my lap nice and warm and comfortable, but I rather suspect that he simply considers me a fellow cat, albeit a rather strange looking cat, with whom he is sharing a few moments of quiet and rest.

Be certain that the vet understands your view of your cat as a companion on your life journey. Impress upon them that there is little, indeed perhaps nothing, you will not do for the good of your companion. Certainly there will be limits as to the expense you can bear, but there is almost always some alternative approach which will be less expensive. The vet must understand that you are committed to your cat, and the investment of time and effort will be total. Any good vet will always work with you on expenses, be sure yours will.

So, remember you are the CUSTOMER and you are shopping for the best possible care for that fur ball that you love so much.

Okay - first for the humans --

1. When you are at the vet's don't forget how scared and stressed out the feline half of your team can become. Here one minute they're sacked out on a favorite rug and the next they're in the car going to the vet. Then at the vet's, there are all sorts of unfamiliar sounds and smells which you humans can't even detect. It's enough to freak out the strongest of we felines.

Whenever possible touch and stroke him or her. If the vet needs to have the feline half of the team restrained for a procedure, such as a shot, do the restraining yourself - even if you are uncomfortable with it, at least try.

But don't let things get out of hand if you feel you can't properly hold them still. Simply let the vet or an assistant do the holding - you just make sure you stay in view and offer physical and moral support.

Always be sure that you furry pal can see you, stoop down if you have to get at his or her eye level. Talk to your buddy while it's going on. Just the sound of you voice can have a calming effect and being scratched or rubbed in a favorite spot can do a lot to dampen the fear he or she is feeling.

2. Whenever possible, after the vet has completed the examination, or between procedures, pick up and cuddle your feline companion. Let them know that you're there for them and that your arms are always open.

3. As Dad said earlier - you should stay in control of the situation. Don't let the vet make your decisions for you. If something comes up which requires a decision and you don't have enough information, make the vet explain it all to you. DO NOT simply accept the vet's decision. I know that it can be hard to go against this "authority figure" but remember YOU ARE THEIR CUSTOMER. You have the ultimate decision of saying "NO!", of picking up your child and leaving.

Don't be pressured into making immediate decisions. If you don't feel comfortable with a decision, give yourself some time to think about and get back to the vet with your decision. Only in true life-and-death situations must a decision be made right there, right then.

Remember all the great humans and cats at the FDMB and give us a holler if you need help with a decision. If you need to, you can tell the vet you will call them after you consult with the "experts."

Now, for all you fur balls out there -

1) Always bear in mind that your human partner is as uncomfortable, frightened, apprehensive, stressed, and worried as are you. Try and cut them some slack when it's necessary for them or the vet to do something you don't particularly like.

Unfortunately, there are procedures the vet must do which will cause a little pain. If something really hurts, however, make sure everyone knows about it - the vet may very well be a clumsy SOB and you should make sure that your parent knows it.

But, don't make a big deal about a shot or having your temperature taken (yes, I hate it too when they stick that thing up my rear, and then they hold it there for what seems hours) or if they have to draw blood. It really is being done for your own good. Perhaps it will help to keep in mind that your Mom or Dad has to go through the same sorts of things when they see a human type doctor.

If you can at all manage it, give your mom or dad some head butts, bury your head in their shoulder when they are holding you, put out a purr or two and try to make the vet understand just how much you love and trust and need your human.

If the vet is even half as good as they think they are they will realize that there is a special bond between you and your parent and it will help the vet to approach your care in the proper way.

2) Unless you just can't help it, DON'T come off all aggressive and hostile. Vets are taught to have an ingrained reaction to any animal which may prove dangerous to them. So, unless they really are a clumsy SOB, don't even thing about scratching or biting. That will only make you look bad and will cause your parent great embarrassment.

If the vet really is a clumsy SOB, by all means reacquaint them with the number of claws on the front and hind feet of a cat. We must not let them forget how well armed we are and that we are prepared to use our armament when it is necessary to communicate a vet's clumsiness or incompetence. (Simon, we want them to understand that this is only permissible in case of severe vet clumsiness.)

Right -- what Dad said. If the vet is merely a little clumsy or heavy handed once and awhile, just be sure your parent knows it. Reserve the blood letting for serious problems.

3) Always bear in mind that you are at the vet's only because your parent wants to keep you as healthy as possible so that the two of you can be together for many years to come.

4) And finally, if the vet has dog treats at the front counter but no cat treats, make your objections heard.

Knocking the dog treats on the floor might be a good way to show your disgust for situation. There may be other things on the counter that you can send down to the floor to join the dog treats, but start with the dog treats so all the humans understand your true objection.

Sure, you may not feel like eating just then, but you can't let the vet get away with having treats only for those four footed, slobbering, barking, panting cretins.

Of course should you have a brother or sister who's a dog, they are certainly not included in this description of the worst of their species. Any dog who is thought good enough by your parent to share your home must obviously be one of the best of the species.

So, all you humans and cats - get out there and win one for the, ah -- well, win one for Yourselves!

Simon T. Novell, aide de camp
(actually, I run the place, I just let Dad think he does)

Hi,

This is Sharon, Simon's Mom, and Bob's Wife. The truth is that I run the place and I let the two them think they do. Don't tell them, however, male egos bruse so easily.

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